Chapter two- Some lessons learned in dealing with an aging parent.

It is another Sunday afternoon and the family is crammed into Nana's 600 square foot apartment.  There is only a small kitchen, a small living room and a small bedroom.  There hardly seems to be enough room for 3 people let alone 20.  It is her birthday and she has cooked a 10 course meal for everyone.   You would think that since Nana is 93 and no one lives near her that people would stay as long as possible, but that's not the case.  People start leaving 30 minutes after everyone arrived, an hour later and once two hours has passed, no one is left. 
Nana has a son, 6 grandchildren, 12 great-grandchildren and 1 great-great grandchildren and in my opinion, they are several members of the family that are failing her.  Apparently her son doesn't care for her because she caused a lot of drama and a lot of problems between he and his wife.  And the rest of the grandchildren and even great-grandchildren don't care for her because to be honest, they find her annoying.  When you spend an afternoon with Nana, she just complains about everyone she knows.  She also finds a way to tell the same exact story over and over and over again.  To be honest it is not fun to sit there and pretend like it's the first time you've heard a story when it's been told 3 times in 20 minutes. 
This is why I can learn a lot from the first two recommendations which are to respond with empathy and to encourage discussion of past memories.  I myself have been very selfish when I am around Nana, I haven't thought about the fact that she must be very scared and anxious and the fact that the past memories are a way for her to remember times when she felt safe and secure.  It is weird to have to reverse roles and to take the place of caregiver for Nana instead of the other way around. 
I have also recognized how hard it is for her lately to lose so much of her independence.  She says she doesn't want help from anyone but in my opinion she needs so much help.  I now that it is important however to give her space and to do everything I can to make sure she can be as independent as possible for her own sake. 
I have said it before but I'm going to say it again.  I know that this class and all the things I am reading are going to help me and my family be better to Nana and do things that can help her through this last phase of her life.