Journaling.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE:  A CONCLUDING THOUGHT

Recommendation #60:  Journaling One’s Thoughts Can be Therapeutic (PAGE 161)

The wednesday before Thanksgiving my husband and I got into a fight.  He felt that Nana was going to die really soon and wanted me to cancel my thanksgiving plans with my family so we could spend time with her.  I was so upset that he would even suggest such a thing.  My compromise was to drive the two hours to her house early so I could spend more time with her.  When I got there on Wednesday, I learned she had falled and was taken to the hospital.  She had a subdural hematoma and a broken hip and pelvis.  The hospital in our home town was not able to treat her, so they had to transfer her an hour away to Gainesville.  On the way over, she started having seizures in the ambulance.  She did not have an advanced directive, so they gave her seizure medicine and had to intibate her.  My husband and I went to see her the next night.  The doctors told us that her soon was going to have them pull out her breathing tube the next morning and that she would probably die within minutes.  But Nana didn't die.  She could actually breathe at a 100% all by herself which is really good.  She continued to improve.  I went there everyday to sit with her and help her.  After eleven days, doctors have said that there is nothing else they can do.  She is released to Hospice.  I feel it an honor to have spent so much time with her.  Through being with her this past week, I absolutely know that I want to work for Hospice.  I love you Nana.  I will miss your humor and wit.  I will miss your interactions with my daughter.  I will miss you and your strengths and your weeknesses.  But I am also happy for you, and I am excited for the new adventure you are about to embark upon.  I love you!

Forgiveness

CHAPTER TWENTY:  HOW TO GRIEVE — WHEN  TO GRIEVE

Recommendation #57:  Forgive the Negatives, Focus on the Positives (PAGE 157)

Nana was funny.  She was dedicated to church and trying to serve others.  She baked thousands of cakes for those who were suffering or ill.  She loved my husand and our daughter.  She love those who few loved.  She will be greatly missed.

Respect the memory of the deceased

CHAPTER SIX:  MANAGING THE ESTATE

Recommendation #24:  Respect the Memory of the Deceased by Your Words and by Your Actions (PAGE 75)

I remember when my grandmother passed away.  She didn't have much, but hours after her death family members were acting like crazy people going through her things and grabbing what they could.  During those hours, I rememeber feeling so sad that people had forgotten GG's death so soon and were on to what they could get for themselves from her death.  I also remember feeling that GG did not raise her sons and daughters, as well as her grandchildren to act like this.  I felt like her life was completely disrepected by family members actions.  I know it's hard to lose a loved one, and that most people place a huge importance on things belonging to that loved one, however, I feel as though we could have respected GG and her life more by acting in a different manner.

Do what you believe.

Chapter Five

Recommendation #21:  Do what you Believe to be Right and Proper and do not Fret about Public Opinion (PAGE 69)

This blog is actually a good thing because my Nana is dying and I will actually be able to express my sorrows and my feelings trough this assignment.  When Nana fell 11 days ago, she hit her head so bad that she has a subdural hematoma.  At 94, the doctors said that she is not a canidate for surgery.  She also broke her pelvis and her hip.  Doctors told her that she would only be a canidate for that surgery if she healed enough.  Nana did not have an advanced directive so each member of the family was trying to suggest a path that was in line with their beliefs about life and death, as well as their beliefs about Nana.  Nana's son wanted to keep her alive for the chance that she would recover enough to have surgery.  Even after doctor's told him that she would never walk again, he still wanted surgery.  I however was feeling that Nana had lived a good life.  I felt that her quality of life was already diminished and would be even more after surgery.  I felt that hospice should get involved.  I however, was not her next of kin, Wayne was.  That however, did not stop me from expressing my opinions on the matter even if others disagreed.  And vice/versa, my opinions did not stop Wayne from persuing surgery even if I disagreed.  We both acted in a manner that we felt was best for Nana.  After 11 days, doctors finally said that there's nothing more to be done and she is now released to Hospice.

Chapter two- Some lessons learned in dealing with an aging parent.

It is another Sunday afternoon and the family is crammed into Nana's 600 square foot apartment.  There is only a small kitchen, a small living room and a small bedroom.  There hardly seems to be enough room for 3 people let alone 20.  It is her birthday and she has cooked a 10 course meal for everyone.   You would think that since Nana is 93 and no one lives near her that people would stay as long as possible, but that's not the case.  People start leaving 30 minutes after everyone arrived, an hour later and once two hours has passed, no one is left. 
Nana has a son, 6 grandchildren, 12 great-grandchildren and 1 great-great grandchildren and in my opinion, they are several members of the family that are failing her.  Apparently her son doesn't care for her because she caused a lot of drama and a lot of problems between he and his wife.  And the rest of the grandchildren and even great-grandchildren don't care for her because to be honest, they find her annoying.  When you spend an afternoon with Nana, she just complains about everyone she knows.  She also finds a way to tell the same exact story over and over and over again.  To be honest it is not fun to sit there and pretend like it's the first time you've heard a story when it's been told 3 times in 20 minutes. 
This is why I can learn a lot from the first two recommendations which are to respond with empathy and to encourage discussion of past memories.  I myself have been very selfish when I am around Nana, I haven't thought about the fact that she must be very scared and anxious and the fact that the past memories are a way for her to remember times when she felt safe and secure.  It is weird to have to reverse roles and to take the place of caregiver for Nana instead of the other way around. 
I have also recognized how hard it is for her lately to lose so much of her independence.  She says she doesn't want help from anyone but in my opinion she needs so much help.  I now that it is important however to give her space and to do everything I can to make sure she can be as independent as possible for her own sake. 
I have said it before but I'm going to say it again.  I know that this class and all the things I am reading are going to help me and my family be better to Nana and do things that can help her through this last phase of her life.